It would be weird for me to say that any of my decisions were the right ones. I really don't have much to show for them.
I used to listen to a song that chanted "all my past mistakes and all my wasted days, I wouldn't have it any other way." It was soothing not renouncing my past because it made me who I was. Well, I can't say I was wrong when I was on the blacker edge of redemption.
I wonder whether my selfishness, selfish desires fulfilled in hopelessness, has maybe become habit even on the brighter side of life. How quickly my ideals are compromised, my convictions fade, my promises go unfufilled.
I may be a victim here, but that's hardly the point. My addiction to immediate gratification and negative self perception isn't excused because I wanted to kill myself.
No longer is this the fact that I have to stop feeling sorry for myself, now it is the realization that on this clear and starry Meadville midnight I can turn the page.
-Dan
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