A snow globe of people and places stirred today to settle under the awning of a starlit night; at the end of the day, once the world has shimmied itself around it's axis once more, I hope tomorrow morning that I have fallen somewhere new. I want to scratch the sand out and open my eyes to the unfamiliar.
Uh, well, I guess you can keep your jobs, both of you. Thank you, thank you for this opportunity (that is what it is, you know) for money, for resume, for reference and profit, for life, stability, responsibility, and really everything you could possibly offer me, but I need more. I want less, but I need more. I need life, I need love, I need culture, I need adventure. Not this. From having nothing just a short while ago it seems pretty presumptuous, I know, but god help me I can't settle for less. Because no matter how comfortable and sane it all seems and is (which it's not either of, anyway) I won't ever be able to answer honestly, "why not?"
So fuck it, let's go.
Saturday, July 30, 2011
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
That's All We've Got
Five years or so I've been writing here, if you'll even believe it. I remember when I started; I was perusing the posts of the last blog I had, and I just decided it was a little too, I don't know, unpolished maybe. Maybe too naive, too teenaged. It was renegade in a way that made me feel pretty dumb for authoring it.
Well, I feel the same fucking way about this one now too! Only problem is I ain't much better at this writing thing. My writing is shit, it's highfalutin, puttin' on airs I don't even understand. What is that shit anyway, like I can pretend that some line is real deep just because I'm the only dick who gets what it really means.
And shit, I still don't really "get" semicolons at all. I use 'em often enough, but what is the deal with those things? Seems like a comma or a period does the same thing. I like the way they give me more punctuation, like a line break in poetry maybe, but then again I never got the hang of those either.
I think I might just be a hopeless writer. I'm not really feeling down or anything, but I'm trying to be honest here. I got a lot to learn here and I don't really think I'm learning too fast. And, well, that's it really. I mean I hope I'm still gonna write and all, writing's important, and so is pretending like you got airs. Everyone's gotta have some sorta air I think; maybe you're real good at collecting rare bureaus. Someone probably feels pretty airy about that, and I guess that's cool, why can't a guy feel good about having some rare drawers? Who cares if a million people would make better bureau collectors, their loss plus it ain't like they are wasting their time collecting some pointless bureaus.
That's pretty much how I feel. I've written a lot of stupid stuff, I'm kind of embarrassed about it. And that's probably not going to change. LIfe goes on, stuff gets written, and then you feel kinda stupid for not knowing any better. Oh well, good thing no one knows to read this place.
Well, I feel the same fucking way about this one now too! Only problem is I ain't much better at this writing thing. My writing is shit, it's highfalutin, puttin' on airs I don't even understand. What is that shit anyway, like I can pretend that some line is real deep just because I'm the only dick who gets what it really means.
And shit, I still don't really "get" semicolons at all. I use 'em often enough, but what is the deal with those things? Seems like a comma or a period does the same thing. I like the way they give me more punctuation, like a line break in poetry maybe, but then again I never got the hang of those either.
I think I might just be a hopeless writer. I'm not really feeling down or anything, but I'm trying to be honest here. I got a lot to learn here and I don't really think I'm learning too fast. And, well, that's it really. I mean I hope I'm still gonna write and all, writing's important, and so is pretending like you got airs. Everyone's gotta have some sorta air I think; maybe you're real good at collecting rare bureaus. Someone probably feels pretty airy about that, and I guess that's cool, why can't a guy feel good about having some rare drawers? Who cares if a million people would make better bureau collectors, their loss plus it ain't like they are wasting their time collecting some pointless bureaus.
That's pretty much how I feel. I've written a lot of stupid stuff, I'm kind of embarrassed about it. And that's probably not going to change. LIfe goes on, stuff gets written, and then you feel kinda stupid for not knowing any better. Oh well, good thing no one knows to read this place.
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